Parents

Why isn't there a guidebook on how to reveal life-changing information to people? Maybe there is, and I just haven't seen it. There are How-To books for everything! The "For Dummies" franchise has everything including coaching lacrosse. COACHING LACROSSE! One would think that somewhere along the way someone could have written a book on how to tell your parents they're about to be grandparents. Man, that would have been useful Sunday afternoon!

Please don't misunderstand. I really do love my parents, but communicating to them, specifically my mother, has never been a talent I could master.

She has a knack for tuning me out. I think it may have to do with her methodical nature. She'll think 20 steps ahead and not live in the moment, resulting in missing in actual reality and obtaining the answers she wanted 20 steps ahead. The following example I submit to you as a regular scenario of our conversations:

MOM: So how are you?

ME: Things are going good. Church is doing well too.

MOM: That's good. Is the church doing well?

ME: Yes. Yes, it's doing well. Oh! I stopped by the mall yesterday and bought some new shirts.

MOM: While I'm thinking about it, did you get some new shirts yet?

ME: Yes, Mom! I just said that!

MOM: (Yelling) Why are you getting upset?! I just asked a question.

...and scene.

No, she's not hard of hearing. No, she didn't repair jet engines for a living. I don't know what it is, but something just doesn't click together between the two of us. So when Esther and I decided to immediately tell our parents the news, Sunday afternoon turned into something between depressing and entertaining.

We had already told Esther's parents the Saturday night we found out. Her parents were surprised but very happy and excited. Esther's mom was all smiles. Esther's father declared his right to ridiculously spoil his first grandchild. After coming off such a high, we thought it would be good to tell my parents as well.

We showed up at my parents house after church for lunch. Dad was shocked but happy. He hugged both of us. Mom...well...she was silent the entire time. She acted as if someone had run over her puppy and canceled her favorite TV show. She seemed bitter about the whole thing.

Esther and I knew that going in her demeanor would be hit-or-miss. Up until we told her, she seemed like she was in a good mood. Again, I'm not good at reading women. Apparently my wife isn't good at reading women either. So we ate dinner in an eerie silence. Dad tried to keep things positive but wasn't too successful. This was one of the most awkward lunches I have ever had with my parents, and, believe me, I've had some awkward moments with my mom over the years.

Hopefully she'll come around. Maybe that was her way of processing through the shock; however, first impressions do speak volumes.

I know there are challenges ahead, and that raising a child will not always be easy...if ever. I shared that sentiment with both sets of parents. But we're dealing with my mom, and we know how that goes.

Mom exploded with a non-stop rant of negativity. A parent's words, whether good or bad, have a huge impact on their child. My fears of being a parent myself were not soothed nor was I encouraged.

Esther and I left my parents house that day a little discouraged. I think my mom will come around and enjoy being a grandparent someday. It just wasn't today. Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

Am I ready for all of this?

No way.

Being Supportive

So when we last left off in our little story, I was a wave of emotions after finding out my wife was with child...my child.

Though I don't know for certain, she looked to be somewhere between fearful and scared and not because she never wanted to be a mommy (she did) but because she was scared of my reaction.

Being in my occupation, I meet many married couples and soon-to-be married couples. When heading into a marriage relationship, the subject of children is something that should be seriously discussed at some point in time. Having one who wants children and another who doesn't want children can cause an early rift in a marriage. As a result, we talked about having children and both agreed that we want kids...in about a year or so. We have only been married for about three months.

My wife expected me to get angry at her. She put her face in her hands and began to cry. She felt as if she disappointed me.

Some guys, whether shortly before or after marriage and even sometimes divorce, get bestowed with a wealth of women knowledge. These guys know everything there is to know about women. They have infinite insight and wisdom on all things female. They would probably give King Solomon a run for his money.

Sadly, I'm not one of those guys. I'm still new to the whole marriage thing. I just got used to the idea of sharing a bed with someone!

Though I don't know everything there is to know about a woman, I think it is safe to say that in trying to be a loving husband it is a good idea to show love and support to your wife. Perhaps that means giving a foot massage when she has a bad day, cleaning up the house, preparing her favorite meal, giving her some well-deserved rest, or forsaking a Mavericks game so she can watch a movie of her choice(just once in a while on that skipping Mavs games...lets not get carried away).

In this particular moment I think she needed a hug, a kiss, and some words of comfort and reassurance. As a married couple, we're a team. I think of it as, "We're in this together. For better or for worse." What was strangely good to realize was that she was just as uncertain as I was; however, just as much as she's my support I need to be her support as well.

Will we have to make sacrifices? Yes.

Will it be difficult? So I've read.

Will we make it? I think so.

Am I ready yet? No.
=P

Everything Changed

On January 9th my life changed forever.

My wife Esther had been having these "spats" of nausea - most of them related to hunger. For example, whenever she would get hungry it would make her sick to her stomach. One Chipotle burrito later, and all is well. Most of these nausea moments would blindside her. We would be sitting together and in the middle of talking she'd start feeling ill. Honestly, I wasn't saying anything crude of off-color. Sure the Mavericks' latest losing streak made me feel bad too but not bad enough to feel sick.

I thought the illness could be due to our schedule. Since getting married back in October, our schedule had been non-stop. We both work full-time and maintain a full social life with friends, weekend trips, and ministries. Perhaps, all of this was related to the fact we haven't had a day where we just sat back and relaxed. The upcoming Saturday sounded like a good excuse to relax.

January 9th was turning out to be a good, lazy day. We had recently purchased the new Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Wii, and decided that this Saturday would be a great day to go through as many levels as possible. We had completed over half the game by the end of night. We stopped a few times throughout the day to pick up food...you know...because she was still feeling nauseous.

At this point I started believing she might be pregnant.

Esther disagreed.

I protested.

We argued.

She took a test.

"Josh," she said sheepishly from our bathroom. I see her hand stick out from around the corner of our small blue living room. She's holding the test.

"Pregnant," says the digital test.

A flood of emotions entered my mind. Happiness, fear, disbelief, joy, - you name it and I was feeling it in that very moment. Of all the emotions I felt, the biggest one was probably a sense of inadequacy. I'm not ready to be a father. My biggest challenge 30 minutes prior to this was beating Super Mario Brothers!

Am I ready for this?

No way.

Welcome To The Journey

My life has never been something worthy of blogging about. I'm not a celebrity. I don't own any cool patents. My house isn't very big. My savings and salary are even smaller.
The purpose of this blog is to chronicle one man's journey of becoming a parent. Feel free to laugh, cry, shake your head in shame, shake your head in agreement, or give input.

Am I ready for this?

Absolutely not.